following my v pro-ed not much sleep on wed
thur was totally shag
so

i reached home at 5
shower, wait for hair to dry
read 15mins of phy spa for the next day
online bit

6.45pm lie on bed
5 mins later
ZzZ...
9 pm--woke up
*to do hw or not to do*
3 mins later

ZzZ

1am-- woke up
my biological clock waking mi up after 6 hrs of sleep
*i dun care, i need my sleep!!*

5 mins later
ZzZ-ed till 6 am

one words
totally

SHUANG!!

=)))

i realised i have learnt sumthing v impt in this one year and 2 mths of jc life

forget the unhappy and treasure the happieesss:P

todae wasnt a reali good day
lots of things not rite

in the past i will whine whine, complain, =(
now i just forget it la
which is beta for mi i guess=))
perhaps i m too tired to even think

life is such a routine
can be so sickening at times
sudden urges to just break away from it
sometimes i wonder y make my life so miserable
just dun care abt everything
y bother???

but life is not so simple i guess...
God has laid challenges for everyone
its up to us how we wan to conquer
i guess..

but
easier said than done

i m just so tired mentally these days that
i dun even have time to feel much emotionally

jokes? luff
hw? do
tests? haiz.. ok lo..
did badly? wat to do
bad day? i need my sleep

i wonder if its good or bad...

i used to think abt wat happened each day
feel emotionally for every happy and sad events
now its jus nothing

i lie on my bed each nite
tml got wat lessons?
wat needs to be done?
and ZzZ like a pig

i m starting to be scared of all these..
including myself
y is there not much feelings?
am i turning into a robot?
hahaz
i dunnoe

mayb i have conditioned myself to be
feeling too much
is so toooo tiring
that
i guess
i have learnt? subconciously? to shut myself from emotions?
the emotional roller coaster is so too much for mi
mayb i have chosen for myself
to b indifferent
so tt i will neva get hurt or unhappy
but at the same time
wats happiness?
i kind of forgot?

wats fun when u noe ur life is a bleak empty space?
when will the path be cleared?

if onli my family is not as broken as it is
i m in no condition to think
how my life would b
without anyone ard
to b independent
not a single chance to whine
to complain
to beg and cunningly force sumone to do things for mi

i dun dare to think

shutting myself from every feeling
might b the best solution
for now


shi`











i am who i am
6:18 AM